I had deleted this blog because I felt that I was talking too much. Maybe I was, maybe I needed time to go inside. But, now I realize, that I need to do this and it isn't enough to do it privately in my journal.
As time has gone on my yoga practice is more frequent and deepening. I would say that the biggest shift is that I am now more focused on what I call the "invisible yoga", the breathe and the bandhas. As I move throughout my practice, I try to focus my attention on those things as well as the drishti or gazing point. If you do that, you can't really think about anything else. For the most part, my mind doesn't wander. At least it doesn't wander as much as it used to. The ironic thing is that as I focus less on how I can (or mostly can't) do certain poses, I am better able to do the poses. After not going to class for several months, my instructor remarked at how much my practice had deepened. Though, maybe she was talking about the fact that I wasn't looking all over the place and that my breathe was so erratic.
Before I really started practicing Ashtanga I didn't understand what Guruji meant when he said "practice and all is coming". Maybe I still don't. But for me, right now, it means to not worry so much about doing a certain asana or a certain number of them. Thinking that if I practice all will come makes me focus more on the invisible yoga; the breath, the bandhas and to not be so concerned about whether or not I will ever get to do Marychiasana D or not in this life time. When I started becoming more aware of my breath and bandhas, I stopped looking around the room at other people, and I stopped being so proud of what I could do and frustrated with what I couldn't do. It seemed to me that the really important thing was something no one can see-- breathe, bandhas. So, I just do what I can do as I focus on the invisible yoga. Ironically, as I do this, my physical practice seems to get better. So, I would say, don't worry so much, breathe, "practice and all is coming."
